Fr. Harry Winter
Church Ladies With Typewriters
They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet on Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘ Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.
For Previous Christian Joy Entries, Please Click Here:
Catholics Can Laugh at Themselves? Click here
How Many Christians Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholics: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring a bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.
Amish: What’s a light bulb?
Two Very Different Catholic Men and Christian Joy, updated in Parade Sunday Magazine, July 26, 2020)
Two Very Different Catholic Men and Christian Joy. A Jesuit priest and a married Catholic comedian both offer us deeply Christian Joy. The priest, Fr. Greg Boyle, SJ, is the founder of Homeboy Industries, which works with former gang members: www.homeboyindustries.org.
His two books, Tattoos on the Heart, and Barking at the Choir, have blended tragedy and joy in a marvelous way. The layman, Jim Gaffigan, and his wife Jeannie, have five young children. His book, Dad is Fat, and his videos,are available on his website: www.jimgaffigan.com.
His comedy (and his wife is very much his partner on it) is clean and joyful.
Two Very different Catholic Men and Christian Joy, View Article Here
Fr. Ron Rolheiser, OMI, and Christian Joy
In a retreat for the Oblates of Mary Immaculate, Fr. Ron Rolheiser, OMI, president of the Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio, TX, always began each presentation with a joke. He explained why: “I came home from the seminary one summer, and was surprised to find my mother watching a soap opera on TV. I asked her why she watched such trash. She looked me right in the eye and said: ‘Because it makes me laugh, which you don’t.’ Ever since then, I begin my talks with a joke.”
Joyful Noiseletter, July-August, 2017, p. 2, submitted by Fr. Harry Winter, OMI.
Founder of the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate, St. Eugene de Mazenod (1782-1861), appears to the current USA provincial leader.
Kids Learn by Observing …or Not
A priest was invited to a house party. Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest’s collar. A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at.
The little boy pointed to the priest’s neck. When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked the boy: “Do you know why I am wearing this?”
The boy nodded his head yes, and replied “It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months.”
(given to me by Methodist Gerry Manwarren, magazine unknown).
2019 – Covid Memes Click Here to view
St. Thomas More’s Prayer for Good Humor is recommended by Pope Francis, who prays it every day and says it helps him: ” click here.
Episcopal Humor, from Jim Reynolds’ High Church Coyote:
One Sunday morning at a Small Southern church, the new pastor called on one of this older deacons to lead in the opening prayer. The deacon stood up, bowed his head and said, “Lord, I hate buttermilk.” Click here for the full story.
2018
2018 Christmas Humor: click here for image; click here for pdf
(Courtesy of Mission Enrichment Newsletter, Children’s X-Mas Carols, P.3)
The Year of the Two Popes, and Christian Joy
The movie “The Year of the Two Popes,” may not be accurate in its portrayal of Pope Benedict. But it certainly has some joyful moments for both popes’ sense of humor. The conclusion, with both of them watching the World Cup match between Argentina and Germany, probably never happened. But it could have.
When Christians of different denominations work together, we discover that we have similar problems. We exchange experiences and become more joyful. The Holy Spirit, who dwells in each Christian, is the spirit of joy. (Gal. 5:22-23)
Thanks to our Jewish Brothers and Sisters, click here.
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned: click here for image.
2011 Pope Humor
Another humor item concerning Pope John Paul II In a NY Times article by Rachel Donadio and Elisabetta Provoledo, May 2, 2011
Click Here fro More Humorous Signs
This explains why friends forward jokes: Click here for full story
2012
Late Night Catechism with apologies to Methodists Click Here for Video
Irish Humor — Click Here Funny Church Signs — Click Here
You Can Tell ‘Em in Church — Click Here More Church Humor 1 — Click Here
More Church Humor 2 — Click Here More Church Humor 3 – Click Here
Church Ladies with Typewriters — Click Here Irish Boy and the Nuns Video — Click Here
Biblical Cartoons — Click Here
2016
In their highly acclaimed book The Book of Joy, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the Dalai Lama and Douglas Abrams have stated: “Joy is much bigger than happiness.” Published in 2016 by Random House, I highly recommend this book, which explores how joy can become a lasting way of being (p. 5). Both leaders have suffered immensely, so this is not a nave book, but a book of experience and growth.
2015
Martin Luther on Joyful Christianity
Flee from sorrow, whose author is Satan. God is the enemy of sorrow, and pursues it with all His words, the Holy Spirit, the sacraments, the Gospel. God wants us to be happy and hates sadness. God is not a God of sadness, but the devil is. Christ is a God of joy. It is pleasing to the dear God whenever thou rejoices and laughest from the bottom of thy heart. A Christian should and must be a cheerful person (Table Talks, used in The Joyful Noiseletter, 30 (Sept.-Oct. 2015, 5) 1.
Highly Recommended: The Fellowship of Merry Christians, with their Joyful Noiseletter, and the Chicken Soup for the Soul group.
The Fellowship of Merry Christians has a website (www.JoyfulNoiseletter.com) and six times a year publication, The Joyful Noiseletter, especially recognized for its cartoons. Better than the cartoons of the New Yorker magazine, according to experts. Many, many great books on joyful Christianity are listed on the website.
The Chicken Soup for the Soul group is less religious and more spiritual. Its motto is “Changing lives one story at a time,” and its website www.chickensoup.com. This Christmas I was given their book Chicken Soup for the Soul, My Very Good, Very Bad Cat, and I found many of the stories to deeply resonate with a spirituality which comes to you from the side, rather than directly.
Martin Luther, the Christmas Tree and 95 Theses, according to Garrison Keillor
It is reliably reported that Martin Luther was the first person to have a Christmas tree inside his home, after he renounced his Catholic priesthood and married. However, Garrison Keillor is reported by one of our Oblates to have explained it this way. Luther was out in the woods for a little walk, and as he passed the pine tree, a branch hit him in the face. He was so angry he chopped the tree down. Only then did he decide it would look nice, decorated, inside the house.
A search on the internet has failed to find this story. But Keillor did write a spoof on Luther’s 95 theses: click here. (And see the first click below for Keillor’s “Singing with Lutherans”).
Pope Francis and the Jesuit Sense of Humor
In his remarkable book Between Heaven and Mirth, Jesuit Father James Martin, S.J., writes the following, about the founder of the Jesuits, St. Ignatius of Loyola, which may explain part of Pope Francis’ Jesuit sense of humor.
During my Jesuit novitiate, the New England provincial superior, the man in charge of the Jesuits of the region, visited our community. As he was an authority figure, many of us were rather nervous about his visit. To open his discussion he recounted a (true) story that came from the autobiography of St. Ignatius of Loyola.
One day, after Ignatius’ conversion, he was riding on a mule when he came upon another man on the road also riding on a mule. In the course of their brief conversation, the man insulted the Virgin Mary and then rode off. Ignatius, who was still very much of a hothead, waxed furious.
So he started to think about murder. But, try as he might, he was unable to decide whether he should kill the man or not. At that moment he reached a (literal) fork in the road. Ignatius decided to leave the fate of the blasphemer up to his mule As he wrote in his autobiography, “If the mule took the village road, I would seek him out and stab him; if the mule did not go toward the village, but took the highway, I would let him be.” Fortunately for all concerned, the donkey chose the highway.
After the provincial told us novices this story about Ignatius, he smiled and said: “Ever since then, asses have been making decisions in the Jesuits” (pp. 169-70).
Preparation for the 499th anniversary of Luther’s Theses, Oct. 31, 2016.
On this past Reformation Sunday, grandma was sitting in the pew with her 8-year-old grandson, Luke. After the children’s sermon about the Reformation, grandma pointed out to Luke, in the hymnal the song we were going to sing, “A Mighty Fortress is our God.” At the bottom of the page, Luke read “Text by Martin Luther.”
Luke innocently exclaimed, “you mean I can text Martin Luther!” He was ready to do so with his cell phone in hand.
Joyful Noiseletter, March-April, 2016, p. 2, by Rev. Dr. Clifton J. Suehr, Holy Trinity Evangelical Lutheran Church, Irwin, PA.
The Lord’s Supper, a Bittersweet Experience?
Many Christians have heard the story that at the Passover Meal during which Jesus instituted the Lord’s supper, He looked around the room and realized that all, with the possible exception of John, would betray Him (Peter in a spectacular manner). He then raised His hand towards the waiter and said “Separate checks.”
For Christians, the Lord’s Supper or Mass is the source of both joy and sorrow. See especially the items on the Eucharistic Hospitality page, and the item regarding the Synod of Bishops on the home page, for ways to overcome the sorrow.
Nov.-Dec. 2015 Joyful Noiseletter, p. 3.
Matt..18:4-5
“Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And who ever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. “
Johnny’s Mother looked out the window and noticed him “playing church” with their cat. He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back To the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water. She called out, “Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!”
Johnny looked up at her and said, “He should have thought about that before he joined my church.”
Send this to someone who needs a laugh today and remember: Knowing scripture can save your life – in more ways than one!Have a great day, Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death…
Adlai Stevenson vs Norman Vincent Peale over JFK
As the campaign in 1959 and 1960 heated up, the famous Protestant leader Norman Vincent Peale came out with a very public statement that he did not believe a Catholic could be president, because of connections to the Pope. Adlai Stevenson, also a Protestant, who had been the Democratic Party’s candidate for president both in 1952 and 1956, quipped: I find St. Paul appealing, and St. Peale appalling